Language Problems
by Cly
Summary: Please read and review.lt takes place before the compression of time.Don't be too hard on me...it's my first fic.Thanx!!!


LANGUAGE PROBLEMS

*Scene : In Balamb Garden,in the cafeteria.Squall,Rinoa & Quistis are at a 

table,while Zell is queuing up for hotdogs* 

Zell: What?!?!?! NO MORE OF YOUR FAMOUS SUPER DUPER YUMMY CRUNCHY HOTDOGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*Turns around and glares* Alright, who stole the last DOG!? 

Rinoa: Isn't today a wonderful day?

Quistis:Everyday's a wonderful day to you... ...And Zell, SHUT UP!!! I took the last one,since I haven't eaten it... ...*tosses the hotdog into Zell's face.*

Zell: *Takes the hotdog which smashed into his face and stares at it* 

EWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

It's got ketchup on it!!!* Tosses it into a dustbin*

Rinoa: *points at Zell's face and starts giggling*

Zell: What's so funny?

* Touches his face only to realize that it's smudged all over with ketchup*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Help ME Squall!!!!! I've become Tomato MAN!!!!!

Squall: *takes out a magazine *... ...Whatever... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...?!?

*A Mist engulfs the area*

Ultimecia: Ahh. You stupid kursed SeeDs. Allow me to give you some fun before you 

Kome to my world. MUAHAAHAAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* A purple gas surrounds the whole world & Ultimecia retreats back to her realm.*

*Everyone is soo shocked that no one utters a word*

****

*Selphie & Irvine enter*

Selphie: Padum!!! Hello!!!

Squall: *stares at Selphie as if she's gone mad * Se Ma? What?

*Neither Squall nor Selphie know that they are speaking foreign languages,to themselves,they sound 

normal*

Selphie: *thinking Squall didn't hear her* PADUM! HELLO!

Squall: Se Ma? What?

Selphie :*thinking Squall has gone mad* PADUM!!!!! HELLO!!!!!

Squall: SE…WHA…

Rinoa: Squall, Selphie have you guys gone insane!?!

Squall: bu shi ,ni wei se ma ze me xiang? No, why do you think that?

*Selphie was too shocked to say anything*

Zell: To,to,ma,toe,ma,to,toe? Squall,do you know what you're saying?

Irvine: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Zell's become TOMATO MAN!!!

Rinoa: What's going on?!?

****

*Laguna enters with his pals Kiros & Ward,wanting to pay his son a visit*

Laguna: Squall!!! How's my favorite son doing?

Squall: Ni zi you yi ge er zi,na jiu shi wo.Ben tan!!! You only have one son,and that's me.Stupid!!!

****

*All the SeeDs around stand up to greet Laguna*

****

*Unfortunately ,all their hellos were in foreign languages.*

Laguna: Oh ,looks like Squall and the other SeeDs here have also got that weird disease , and Squall , HOW 

DARE YOU CALL YOUR OWN FATHER STUPID!?!

*Squall Shrugs** ***

Rinoa : Huh? What disease ? And how do you know what he's saying ?

Laguna : Yeah. On my way here from Estar ,we passed Trabia & Galbadia Gardens and Hoo-boy all SeeDs 

were speaking languages like Chinese , Malay ,Portuguese ,Spanish ,French ,Japanese… … …

Rinoa: Okay, I think we get the idea, looks like only SeeDs are affected .But that doesn't explain how you know what Squall's saying. And what languages are those ? I never heard of them ,besides Japanese .

Quistis: * starts making funny hand signals*

Irvine: What's she doing ? Hand Dancing ?

Ward : * writes down on a huge piece of cardboard* **No. You dub, she says she wants to resign from **

being a SeeD, she says bad things keep happening to SeeDs.

*All the Trepies around start crying *

Laguna: AHEM!!! Allow me to explain! A few days ago, me and me pals went for a vacation on the other

Planet called "Earth"… …

Irvine: But this is Earth, what are you yapping abou… …

Laguna: Don't interrupt ! There are two planet Earths !!! Now as l was saying, we were taking a 

Beautiful vacation on the other "Earth" and all the people there each had their own native 

languages ,some even spoke our language so we took some speech lessons and that's how we 

know some languages.

****

*Everyone is yawning and some have even dozed off*

Rinoa: * Yawns * Oh, have you finished ? Anyone has anything to say ?

Squall: Zhe bu guan wo de shi. This does not concern me

Rinoa: What did he say ?

Laguna: * Surprised expression on his face * He said that this concern him very ,very deeply.

Rinoa: WHAT?!? Squall , since when did you stop being cold and uncaring !?

Squall:* frowning * WO HEN NI!!! NI ZHI DAO MA !?! I HATE YOU !!! DO YOU KNOW 

THAT!?!

Rinoa: What did he say ? He doesn't sound too happy… … and Squall quit frowning, you'll get 

wrinkles ! * imitates Squall's frown *

Squall: * Frowns Harder *

Laguna : He said he loves you ,do you know that? I want to go to Balamb and fish… …

Rinoa: Oh. Off course I know that. Squall , you've told me that 1'000'000'001 times already!!!

*embraces Squall *

Squall: * frowns till his face is redder than a tomato * Wo men dou qu Ba Lam!!! Let's all go to Balamb!

Irvine: OKAY!!! Let's GO! * Grabs Selphie and a pair of earmuffs *

****

*Scene on the road to Balamb*

*Selphie starts singing a childish song with totally no meaning which she made up, and everyone covers their ears while Irvine puts on the earmuffs which he took with him, grining away *

Selphie : * Singing * Satu ,Dua

Tiga,Umpat

Singa ,Tara

Rinoa : How l wish she'll shut up…

****

*Scene : Entrance to Balamb *

Squall: * Whispers a few words into Laguna's ear *

Laguna: Your Commander says, take a hike!

*All SeeDs stare at each other wondering why would their beloved Commander give them all the sack. *

Squall: * frowns and whispers into his father's ear once more *

Laguna : Opps !!! WRONG MESSAGE!!! Squall said take a BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*All SeeD sigh in relief. They then go their separate ways, some go fishing ,some went karoking , some went to eat, yada ,yada ,yada. *

*Laguna and his pals went fishin too.*

*And Our 6 heroes go to Zell's house to pay Ma Dincht a visit * 

Zell: * forgetting about his little speech problem * MA, TO , TOE!!! MUM, I'M BACK!!!

Ma Dincht: Zell! What's wrong with your voice!?!

Rinoa: Sorry Mrs. Dincht. Zell's caught ,um, the tomato flu.

Ma Dincht: Tomato flu!? What kind of sickness is that ?

Irvine: It's when the person affected talks like a tomato… …I think.

Ma Dincht: Ohh!! You POOR THING!!!!! Let me tuck you up in bed , and you'll get better soon.

Zell:MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Big Bad Rascal: Hey Zell! You're back!!! Come see, I making a bird table with that metal toy hammer you 

got me for Christmas!!!

*Everyone save Squall crowds around Big Bad Rascal *

Big Bad Rascal: I'm almost finished, just gotta knock the nail a few… …uh oh.

*Big Bad Rascal swung the hammer a bit too fast and it flew out off his hand landing square on Squall's 

head*

Squall : * was sitting down reading a newspaper* OUCH!!! What hit me!?!

Rinoa: Oh Squall!!!!! Are you hurt? Is your head bleedi… …

*jumps on Squall who's lucky he's sitting down* I can't believe it!!! You're back to normal!!!!!

Squall: * thinking* Should have kept my mouth shut ,she's overreacting.

Rinoa: You know, since the hammer conked you on the head, that means it would work on the other SeeDs

and tomato boy too, but it'll be too painful, anyway it would be too slow considering we would 

have to knock more than 300 heads… … I know!!! Irvine, lend me your gun.

Irvine: NO WAY!!! And it's not a gun, it's Exeter!!!

Rinoa: Whatever! Lend it to me or I'll use my powers on you!!!

Irvine: You don't even know how to use your powers ,soo there!!!

Rinoa: I do to!!! Lend it to me or I'll have Squall demote you to a weenie cadet!!!

Irvine: Oh really ? * glares at Squall * will you demote me?!

Squall:… … … …Whatever

Irvine: * Grins at Rinoa* Okay , I'll lend it to you on one condition…. …

Rinoa :NO!!! I know what you want and the answer is NO!! NO!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just give me the DAMN gun!!!!!!!!

Irvine: Aww man. Okay, okay ,you win , just don't hurt her.

Rinoa: Her? Ahh, to hell with that. * grabs Exeter from Irvine and goes out of the house *

* Rinoa then went to Balamb's toyshop and bought 500 ping pong balls even though she only needed 314 as there were only 315 SeeDs in Balamb Garden, Squall was out , and she bought extra as she was afraid 

she would miss her shots, as she was horrible at using guns*

*Then she removed all the bullets from the Exeter and finally stuffs a ping pong into each gunhole.*

Rinoa: Alright!!! Target Practice time!!!

*With a whole lot of Ohhhs and Ahhhhhhs and bangs, every single SeeD in Balamb was back to normal including tomato man. But, every SeeD also had a present from Rinoa every SeeD except for Squall, a big blue black on their foreheads from where they had been shot and a ping pong ball. *

Selphie: Whoohoooo!!!!!!!!!! We're all back to NORMAL!!!!! Phew, I didn't even dare to talk till now.

All SeeDs :THANK YOU SORCERESS RINOA!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE SAVED OUR LIVES WE ARE 

ETERNALLY GRATEFUL!!! YOU HAVE SAVED OUR LIVES WE ARE ETERNALLY 

GRATEFUL!!!YOU HAVE SAVED OUR LIVES WE ARE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL!!!

YOU HAVE SAVED OUR LIVES WE ARE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL!!! YOU HAVE 

SAVED OUR LIVES WE ARE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL!!!YOU HAVE SAVED OUR 

LIVES WE ARE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL!!!YOU HAVE SAVED OUR… …

Rinoa: SHUT UP!!! Your DRONING is GETTING on MY NERVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Squall: What about the other SeeDs of Trabia and Galbadia?

Rinoa:* Absent-mindedly* I have a plan, I go to Deling afterwards and tell that MAN, and since when 

Did you stop being cold and uncaring?

Squall: Since when? I've always been cold & uncaring… …ahh, let's go to Deling.

****

*Scene at Caraway's Mansion*

Rinoa: ***still in an absent-minded mood*** Please launch two **nuclear bombs** on Trabia & Galbadia 

Gardens. All the SeeDs there need to be conked on the head.

General Caraway:* **also in an absent-minded mood*** Okay, it's about the speech thing right?

A knock on the head would certainly wake them up. Still won't call me father eh?

*walks out of the mansion and goes to a newly rebuilt missile base. *

****

*Scene: The Afterlife*

Squall: NUCLEAR BOMBS!!! See now EVERYONE'S DEAD!!!

Raine: Son?

Squall: Mom?

Raine: Is it really you ? It is you!!! You Died!!! * Hugs Squall crying *

Squall: Let's go somewhere and talk mother. * walks off with Raine *

Laguna: Hey, what about me? Did you know that they don't have any Gunblades on the other Earth ?

Wait FOR MEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! * Follows Raine & Squall *

Raine: Your father was always a jerk.

Squall: I know, I just can't stand him.

Rinoa: Squall, wait!!! I didn't mean to kill everyone!!! I wasn't thinking!!!

Squall: Don't worry Rinoa!!! I still love you ,now I just wanna talk with my mom!!!

Julia: Rinoa?

Rinoa : Yeah… … Mother? You're ALIVE!!!

Julia: No, you're dead.

Rinoa: Who cares? * Hugs her mother *

Caraway: Julia?

Rinoa: Father? … …OH NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I called you FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Julia: It doesn't matter, I still love him.

*Everyone is reunited with their families, finding it better to be dead than alive and they start chanting their thank yous to Rinoa and Caraway while Selphie starts singing 'ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall'*

****

*Scene: Time Compressed World*

*Ultimecia managed to time compress the world only to find she was ruler of no one but a single black and white cow*

Ultimecia: Kursed humans, you were supposed to live and serve me but instead you grill yourselves!!!

How kan a stupid kow serve me!?!?!?! Kurse you stupid humans ,now I will have to find a way to 

Grill myself. 

*Meanwhile , on top of the blackened Winhill, stood a cow which was rescued by a pupu therefore it did not 

die, was mooing and mooing for all it was worth.*

Author's Note: All meanings of phrases are in the brackets. Hope you enjoyed the story !!! Oh, and 

Please review if you have time.


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